I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
