You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
