i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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