So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
