This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
