is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
