very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize