every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
