Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize