i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
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