My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
