It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
