this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
