so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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