i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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