On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
