no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Who died my cat blue again?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
