oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
