dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
