I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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