also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
