Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
