his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
