I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
