I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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