Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
worst night to have a conscience
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
