jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
