Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
