census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
