I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
