saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
