I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
