I haven't been this sober since birth.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
