I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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