are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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