i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
