i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
