I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
