she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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