oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize