The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it hurts more in the daytime
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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