the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
