remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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