Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
