at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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