I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
