Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
