im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
