DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
false alarm, still single
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
