i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize