oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
