I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
