Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Floor bacon is actually really good
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
