dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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