You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
