yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My ATM looks so different sober.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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