Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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