In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
