I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize