I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
