Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
