you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
