Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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