can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
