Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
