Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
