i don't like sucking hair
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
