She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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