Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize