Where did you get a picture of my penis
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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