I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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