She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
