So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
