May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
