I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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