I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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