Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
