took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
