Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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