I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
