i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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