Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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