someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
