Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We need a shit load of segways right now
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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