Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Buhtt sex?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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