went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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