Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
