The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i permit you to call me
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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