Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
