So drunk its hurt
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
