Plan B is the new Plan A
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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