I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
