At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
